Parents sometimes employ spanking as a punishment for misbehavior. Proverbs 13:24 is often used to justify spanking. Some refer to this as the “spare the rod, spoil the child” verse. It says, “He that spareth his rod, hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” So what is this rod mentioned here, and how will our children become spoiled if we do not correct them at times with it?
There are several definitions for the word rod that are worth exploring that may help us understand what is meant by this scripture. A rod does not only mean a thin, straight bar made of wood or metal. My former Bishop, Dr. Glenn Latham explores some other meanings of this word, he says: “The word rod has multiple meanings in and out of scripture, to a biblical shepherd, the rod was used to protect the sheep from the wolves. It was used for guiding the sheep. In Psalms, the rod is cited as the source of comfort: “Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me” (Ps. 23:4). It was used to separate the sheep from the goats. With its crook on the end, it was used to recover lambs from danger. In the book of Exodus (4:1-5), the “rod” is the authority of God, interpreted by some to also mean the word of God” (Latham, Christlike Parenting, 49).
Dr. Latham and I discussed this scripture, and he told me it made more sense that a child could be spoiled if the “word of God” had not been shared with them. In Dr. Latham’s Christlike Parenting book, he also said, “It is distressing that of the many positive uses and meanings of the “rod,” humankind has chosen to focus on the one punitive use: to beat up on kids. It is another sad example of how, over the ages, humankind has distorted good to justify evil. Once people become convinced that God is on their side, and that what they are doing is done in the name of God, anything is possible—including unspeakable carnage, savagery, horrors, and mayhem” (Glenn I. Latham, Christlike Parenting. (Seatle, Washington: Gold Leaf Press, 2002, 49).
Spanking is a punishment and something to be avoided. We can look for natural or logical consequences to tie to the choices our children make. We can find better ways to help our children become more responsible without resorting to spanking. Spanking often leads to more misbehaviors. You may get immediate results, but it often leads to retaliation. According to Dr. Latham, “Rather than correcting“bad” behavior, spanking teaches a child that when someone does something annoying or frustrating or causes one to be angry, the way to handle that is to strike out physically, to hurt someone. This is a terrible message to deliver to a child.” (Latham, Glenn I., The Power of Positive Parenting. (Logan: P&T Ink, 1993, 171).
Reading scriptures brings light to our mind and helps us discover truths. Scriptures give us direction and when parents share them with their children course corrections that last can be made. Scriptures remind us of many things including God’s love and when we think of His love we are more likely to follow Him. Like the shepherd that uses his rod to keep his lambs safe, we can use the scriptures to guide and protect our lambs and help them find and stay on a path that will keep them safe. The rod can give comfort to the shepherd because he knows he has a way to protect his sheep. Scriptures help us protect our children from the wolves around them.
President Hinckley reminds us of a better way when he said this about his father: “In terms of physical abuse, I have never accepted the principle of “spare the rod and spoil the child.” I will be forever grateful for a father who never laid a hand in anger upon his children. Somehow, he had the wonderful talent to let them know what was expected of them and to give them encouragement in achieving it.
I am persuaded that violent fathers produce violent sons. I am satisfied that such punishment, in most instances, does more damage than good. Children don’t need beating. They need love and encouragement. They need fathers to whom they can look with respect rather than fear. Above all, they need example” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Save the Children,” Ensign, Nov. 94).
President Hinckley’s father’s approach to parenting gives us a glimpse of what is possible. We can avoid spanking and help our children to feel God’s love by reading His words to them. Teaching children to behave well is more appropriate than hurting a child for behaving badly (Latham, Christlike Parenting, 49). Mistakes are opportunities to teach rather than an excuse to punish. Spanking is neither Christlike nor loving and can be avoided. Heavenly Father will bless our efforts to find better ways when we intentionally try to follow His Son, Jesus Christ.